I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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