There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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