I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
