Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
