Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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