i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
