Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
