I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
