we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
