then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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