he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
