he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
