There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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