he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
