i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
