Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
