Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
