right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
