I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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