Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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