She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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