Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
