I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
