3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
