Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
