On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
