singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
