im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
