At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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