AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
