As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
