I don't remember. Are we still dating?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
