thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
