sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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