508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
