New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize