I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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