just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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