Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
