Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize