i would punch a child for taco bell
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
