Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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