Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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