i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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