whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
