if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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