there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
