Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
