Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
