you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
