even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
