The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
