I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
