You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
being pregnant is like rehab
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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