And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
