Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
