i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
