some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
