I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize