Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
