Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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