too bad you live with your parents still
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
