he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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