The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
