Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
