finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am midnight drunk by noon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize