I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
