I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
