Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
