I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
