I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
