i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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