It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
