my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
