At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
