OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
