you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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