Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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