There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
